Today is Memorial day. We are packing up the house, getting
ready to move. It’s been hard to
not feel physically pregnant anymore.
It is a physical fact that gives way to emotional reminders. I feel a bit empty without her close to
me. It’s been a bit strange to see
people that I haven’t seen since before May 2nd, when our life
forever changed. All this change
happened so fast: we found out her diagnosis, a week and a half later her heart
stopped beating, a week later we delivered and a few days after we buried
her. All in 22 days. So there were a lot of my friends and family
that I didn’t see in those 22 days.
It’s always hard to know how to approach someone who is grieving, you
never quite know what they will want from you… I get that. However, through all we’ve been through
this month I think I will always choose to error on the side of asking about
how someone is doing, and talking about the elephant in the room instead of
ignoring it. It can be hurtful
when your pain is ignored. I’ve
learned that I am a person who wants to talk about it, however awkward or hard
it is, I rather talk about it and be asked about it. But everyone is different.
I had a really good
conversation with my good friend and college roommate who tragically lost her
mom a few weeks after we graduated from college. She is amazing and I look up to her faith in the midst of
the bottom falling out of her life.
She was such an encouragement to me as she helped me process what
grieving is like. As I hung up the
phone I was reminded again of the story of Jesus healing Lazarus.
Right after the people are
confused and questioning Jesus, he approaches the tomb, and asks Martha to
“take away the stone.” (John 11:39).
Jesus invited Martha into the
miracle he was about to do. He
could of moved the stone away, he could of healed him without even moving the
stone, but he wants us to be invited into the miracle process. Martha hesitates. “But Lord, by this time there is a bad
odor, for he has been in there for four days.” And here comes the two options:
fear or trust. Will we trust Jesus knows what he is
doing? Will we trust that he has
every detail thought through? Will
we trust that he is enough no matter what is behind the stone? Physical healing or not, whatever
situation we find ourselves in, the Lord invites us to be apart of it, to trust
him. Angie Smith puts it this way,
“Jesus isn’t saying that her faith enables Him to perform the miracle but
rather that it allows her to see the
glory of God.” Right after Martha
questions him, Jesus replies, “Did I not tell you that if you believed, you
would see the glory of God?” (John 11:40). Smith continues, “as we walk through trials, He
invites us to trust Him. We aren’t
guaranteed anything as Christians as far as the outcome, but we are loved enough
to be a part of the greatest story ever written…..what we are called to do is
to agree to move the stone, no matter what happens next.”
When we grieve, whether a child
we never got to know , or a mother we knew deeply for our entire life like my
college roomate, God calls us to put our hands to the stone, and to trust
him. We are invited to be apart of
the process. We are not expected to sit on the sidelines as if we are a pawn in
his hand and he does what he wants with our lives. We are invited in to trusting him at a deeper level than we
did before. To see the glory of
God as it is revealed throughout our lives and beyond our lives.
So I’m learning to trust. Day by day by day, some days it comes
easier than others. But today, I’m
choosing to trust him and to move the stone.
“Faith is to believe what we do not see, the reward
of faith is to see what we believe” St Augustine
“When you trust in the Lord, through the unfailing
love of the Most High, you will not be
shaken.” Psalm 21:7
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