Happy Mother's Day

This weekend felt like a blur.  Yesterday was the ISI Amazing Race.  It's a culmination of all the "life skills" we've been teaching the kids throughout the spring semester and we compile them all into a really fun game.  Between the Amazing Race, Mother's Day festivities, and my parents in town it was quickly here and gone.  I feel guilty for feeling so rushed and busy- I want to soak in all my time with Karis.  I want to take her all in while she is alive with us. 

This Mother's Day is especially meaningful because today I have my two girls with me- one blowing bubbles and running barefoot through the grass, and one fighting to survive in my womb against all odds. 

I found myself asking God a lot what our story would be.  Would it be one of a miracle?  Would I be sitting on Karis's bed someday telling her about what doctors told us, that she had no chance to survive?  Or would it be different?  Would we be burying her and asking God to keep her legacy of grace and faith alive?  It's hard to be in the unknown.  It's a dance of grief and hope.  Grieving what could come, hoping that is never does.

Kory got a voicemail on his phone today from one of our dear ISI parents, who has become so close to our family.  She prayed over Karis's life in such a profound way.  She was confident God would heal her.  She talked about how her life was so powerful that the enemy was scared and wanted her gone but God would not allow that.  She prayed bold prayers.  Bold prayers of healing.  She told us to speak life and not death.  I wanted so badly to believe she was right, God would not allow anything but healing.  But I couldn't confidently say that.  He could allow it.  I envied her confidence, boldness and passion.  But I also rested in knowing that God is God no matter what he allows.  He is still good.  He still loves us. And he is still in control.  Those are the things I could confidently stand on.  Those were true and unchanging.  I'm thankful in the midst of all the unknown to have some things known. 

Happy Mother's Day.  Thank you, Lord that you have entrusted me to be the mommy of sweet little Avery Kay and Karis Faith.  You are too good to us.