It’s days like these where I feel like God is on vacation, or worse yet present, but mad at me. Questions like “what did we do to deserve this?” come to my head, or “can we ever get a break?” This must be punishment of some sort, it’s the only logical thing that I can reason with. These are days when I have to preach to myself and get scripture in my head there like never before.
ISI Awards night is tomorrow and so Kory and I are busting it to make that awesome for the kids. But this morning I had a doctor’s appointment where I got not so great news. It’s hard enough to deliver her, and say goodbye, but then to deal with all the physical body aftermath of having a baby, without having your baby, feels almost cruel. Then, I come home to a husband who cannot get out of bed because of a massive migraine that literally causes him to be in more pain than any human being should have to endure. Meanwhile our list of “to-dos” is getting out of control as the two of us are trying to pull this awards night together by the skin of our teeth. All the while, parenting a lovely two year old who never throws a tantrum or has any needs to think through…haha, right. Not to mention the daily grief that’s just…there. God, where are you in this? Can we please get a break? We are trying to do this awards night for you, for your kids, why does it feel like you aren’t on our side today?
The other day we saw the second movie to the Hunger Games series, “Catching Fire.” There is a part at the end where Katniss almost kills Finnick, one of the people that are in the games with her. She will have to kill him eventually if she wants to win the games, but he has been one of her allies and is hard to think about killing. As she is pointing her arrow at him, he sees her, and calls out to her to not kill him. In attempt to spare his life he cries out “Katniss, remember who the real enemy is we are fighting against.” The real enemy in the movie, are the people at the capital, the president, the one who is making them fight in the first place. Today I need to remember who my real enemy is.
I don’t want my bitter arrows to be aimed at God, this isn’t “his fault.” He loves me (1 John 4:9). He is near to me (Psalm 145:18). He is for our good (Romans 8:28). Satan is for my destruction. Every time I feel destroyed, that is Satan’s doing (John 10:10; 1 Peter 5:8).
When I have days like this, I have to remember truth of who God is. He is not punishing me, he is not mad at me, he is not on vacation, he is not absent from our struggles and pain. He is not who my arrow should be pointed at. I’m fighting against the enemy on this day. My arrows need to be full of Scripture and blow them straight into his face. My arrows do not need to be aimed at anyone around me. I aim them at the enemy.
“In this world you will have trouble, but take heart, I have overcome the world.”
Today I load this Scripture onto my arrow and let it sail straight into the enemy’s face. Yes, in this world I will have trouble and I will struggle, but my God tells me to take heart, because is the victorious one. God beat Satan. God won the game. God is the winner. So when Satan makes me feel like the weight of the world is on me and it feels like too much, I remind him that my father beat him. My father has it coming to him. He better leave me alone.
So today, I will take heart. I’m on the winning team.
“In all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.” Romans 8:37