I just re-read my entry on June
4, “God, can we get a break”? That is exactly how I feel
today. Today we are in Sanibel,
Florida. We’ve been encouraged to
take a sabbatical and I’m no longer complaining, it’s great to be here. When we were preparing to get here, I
was complaining. It’s hard to
leave. It was hard to explain why
we deserve a 3-week vacation and they still need to go to work and deal with
life at home. It was hard to leave
a house that we just moved into and still need to unpack and settle into. It’s hard to walk away from things
you’ve been working on (basketball camp, summer camp) and put it in someone
else’s hands while your gone. It
was hard to explain to the kids that we would be MIA for 3 weeks with no way to
contact us, yikes. We have never
done that. It was hard to cram in all the people we wanted to see before we
left. We ran ourselves ragged
getting to this vacation. Some
nights we wondered if we would even make it to the sabbatical because we
thought the prep of it would kill us before we got there.
So now we are here, ready to
enjoy J As I
type, Kory is laying in bed with one of the worst migraines I’ve had to see him
endure since January. I hate
seeing my strong husband in so much physical pain. Instead of being at the beach, playing with Avery in the
sand and the waves, I’ve been on and off the phone with doctors trying to come
up with the perfect mix of meds that will take the edge off this beast of a
headache. We can’t leave the
house, because you don’t leave someone who is in that much pain to themselves,
but my 2 year old doesn’t understand that. And my physical body is still trying to process the fact
that I had a baby a month ago and struggling to get back to normal, especially
in the hormone department. After I
shut the door to Avery’s room getting her down for a nap, I went to my room,
cried, and was very honest with God. I know that other people have way worse issues than us, but sometimes
I feel like waving my arms up to heaven and screaming “over here, can I get
some help over here??? Do you see
me drowing, yes, that is me, can you please
throw me a rescue line or something???”
God brought two things to my
mind. Veggie Tales and
Firebird. I love when God speaks
to me through children’s stories.
Avery’s found a new obsession since being on vacation and that is her
love for “Bob” from veggie tales.
We don’t watch TV or movies much at home and I think she is making up for
lost time, all she wants to do is watch “Bob.” We will be at the beach and she will say, “Bob?” Oh
boy. I didn’t know watching some
“Bob” in the morning would cause her to think about it all day long. Anyways, the veggie tales show we have
is the story of Joseph out of Genesis.
His brothers sell him into slavery, Potipher’s wife lies and he goes to
jail, and basically has a ton of “not fair” things happen to him in his life
and he did nothing to deserve any of them. Veggie Tales breaks down the story in such a simple way, I
see it in a different light.
There’s a scene where “Little Joe” (Joseph) is in jail and Bob (the jail
keeper) asks him why all this bad stuff is happening to him if God really loves
him. My ears perked up. I listened to a cucumber on the screen
say some profound things. “I don’t know yet. But I know God loves me. My job is just to keep doing good wherever I'm at”
I went back and read the whole story of Joseph and was amazed. In all he went through, he had to be
screaming the same thing I was.
“Over here, God!!! Do you
see me? I’m drowning! This is not fair! Why are you not helping me?”
Firebird asks a similar
question. It’s the story of a
small orange bird who loves the sunshine.
Firebird is sad when God allows the storms to come and take the sunshine
away. Why would God let the storm take the sun away? He asks. We all ask it.
Firebird’s momma told him that he wouldn’t understand until he took a
walk on the clouds. So firebird
flies straight into a storm to try to break through the clouds and see what his
mama is talking about. He about
gets ripped to pieces when he is in the midst of the storm, but then it
happens, he breaks through the clouds.
We get to experience this in an airplane. We finally reach that point where we break through the
clouds and see the beautiful sunshine beaming in the blue sky. Firebird realizes, God never took the
sunshine away, it is as constant as his mother’s love.
God is like that sunshine,
constant. He never goes away. He is always there. But sometimes the storm gets in our way
and we can’t see him anymore. That doesn’t mean he has left. The rain, thunder and lightning is what
surrounds us, but he is waiting for us, just above the clouds.
If God has taught me anything
through the life of my daughter, Karis, he has taught me that his love is constant
and that I have a choice. My
choice is to be grateful or my choice is to become bitter. Again, Henri Nouwen’s quote comes to my
mind, “Will I relate to my life
resentfully or gratefully?”
Today I’m grateful I have the
husband I do. I rather be with him
with a headache than apart from him.
I’m thankful that we didn’t have to cancel plans, today there was no
agenda to keep. I’m thankful that
God has given us doctors that know how to help. I’m thankful he has given me family to text and ask for
prayer, to lean on. I’m thankful we have generous friends who have opened their
home to us to be able to be here at all.
I’m thankful for leadership who pushed us to take a break even when we
pushed back not to take one. I’m
thankful I’m in Sanibel, Florida, a beautiful place to enjoy God’s
creation. I’m thankful he has
given me a daughter, full of life and energy, who helps me to stop and see
things I would never see like the lizard on the rock and the puffy white cloud
in the sky. Thank you Lord, thank you for sending your lifeboat of gratefulness
to me. I needed that.
“O Lord, be gracious to
us; we long for you. Be our
strength every morning, our salvation in time of distress.” Isaiah 33:2
“He gives strength to the weary and increases the
power of the weak. Even youths
grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the
Lord will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.” Isaiah 40:29-31
"Your Hands" JJ Heller
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